I lived in the US and Canada from May 2011, and have just returned home to Australia. The first 3 months that I was away was spent on the road living the gypsy lifestyle, I always thought that it would be fun to travel around moving from city to city, not being tied to any one particular place. While I will admit it was fun exploring different cities, living out of a suitcase is not.
In October 2010 I met a Canadian guy who was on a working holiday visa in Australia, we went out a few dates and then our relationship became serious. Things progressed quickly from there and before we knew it his visa for Australia was about to expire. By this time it's needless to say that I had fallen head over heels and I was faced with this huge life changing decision. Leave my career, my family, my friends and my comfort zone for this wonderful person who I'd only known for 6 months or let him walk out of my life. I knew that I made the right decision even if it means not having a stable living arrangement.
This was the exact moment when my life changed forever, boarding that flight to LA was pretty much a turning point for me. I knew I would be going through a roller coaster of emotions but nothing had prepared me for the highs and lows I was set to experience. Our relationship was amazing, nothing but the two of us and the open road. We moved around quite a bit during the summer of 2011 and it wasn't long before my good old friend stress had conveniently slotted himself back in my life. Moving city to city began to take it's toll on our relationship, we fought, and I was labeled the crazy person (and in all honesty when I look back I can see this observation was correct). We made up and I was the love of his life again. Then at the end of Summer 2011 we moved to Lethbridge, population 80,000, to work through Fall and Winter so we could continue moving towards the life we so desperately wanted together.
Things were on the right track, our relationship was going great, I had made my own friends and I was happy again. Then after Christmas, when I still didn't have my US visa secured, we had the "talk". I hated having that talk, it was the exact same talk we had initially when we knew his Australian visa was about to end. A great deal of time, effort and money had been invested in him returning to University so it was impossible for him to defer another semester. I try to forget the talk because, for me, it's like being cut open without anesthetic, the pain is too much for me to handle and all my body aches for is solace.
Then came January 4th, he had spent that night packing his bags as I attempted to fight the tears back, I was a prisoner to my own emotions. I could only sit there and cry as I watched the man I loved so much and uprooted my life for, pack his bags and leave me once again. 'How could he do this to me?' My thoughts were so sporadic as I was angry, hurt and tired from all the crying. I found comfort only during sleep. The morning of January 5th he had risen early to pack his final belongings and begin the twelve hour trip from Lethbridge, Alberta to Salt Lake City, Utah. Separating us would be 1,211 kilometers and the US border officials. I was numb as I lay awake in bed watching him move about the room making sure he wasn't forgetting anything. It felt like I was watching this from third person. I wanted so badly to pack up and leave with him but without a visa I could only stay for three months. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, 6am rolled round and he was ready to depart, he sat next to me in bed. Tears streaming, trying to be strong for each other was such a task that neither one of us were good at. He had to leave now to avoid traffic and make it to SLC at a decent hour, another hour of crying and hugging each other followed before we said our final goodbye.
Fast forward a month and we were, once again, arguing constantly. How much longer could this go on before one of us said enough? Then one cold February day we both decided we could no longer continue with the relationship, there was nothing but heartache and sadness.
I felt alone. Nothing but me and loneliness, I cried myself to sleep for a long time. I am thankful for the love and support that I was surrounded by. Even from Australia I had the support of my friends and family and if it wasn't for the loving people in my life I don't know if I would have survived the pain.
Not long after we broke up I moved to Toronto to try and reclaim all that I had lost from the break up. My self esteem was at an all time low, I didn't know who I was anymore and I had a distinct yearning to be home with my family. Summer of 2012 played a huge part in changing my outlook on life, I had a new found appreciation for my family and when I finally returned back to Australia I was at peace with all that happened during the past year. It is only with peace and love for my experiences, even the bad ones too, that I can recount all that has happened without falling to pieces. I'm now getting my life back on track and I know I have changed for the better.
I've learned many lessons in the past year but I need to give special mention to a few.
1. Love like there is no tomorrow because without love you can never experience the true beauty of the world.
2. Never let go of family. Your family are the only people in the world who, when you fuck up, will still continue to love you.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
And my biggest lesson. HAVE FAITH! I don't say this in a religious sense but have faith that things can and will change for the better. All you have to do is want it.
Until next time..
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